Tag Archives: screaming

Holding On

A few months ago, I went on a rock climbing expedition to Utah with First Descents (FD), an adventure camp for young adults with cancer. Part of what FD does is has you chose a nickname to separate yourself from the you that you’ve known (the you with cancer and all the emotional baggage that accompanies that).  I chose Sunny, for my sunny disposition.

I’ve always been the kind of person that seeks out the silver lining, sometimes to a fault, in less than ideal situations.  For example,  I would stay in a relationship because I swore that sometimes it was amazing and most of the time he was great, when really I should have packed it up and headed straight for the hills at the first sign of lunacy. OK, so I’ve been known to keep the sunshine search parties out long past the point of reasonable explanation, but mostly I’ve found it beneficial to look for the good in situations that seemed to lack all light.

That being said… I’m from the Midwest. And anyone from the Midwest knows that it truly isn’t sunny all the time. The weather literally changes on a dime and can be clear and sunshiney one minute and dark and tornado-y the next. Well, today was one of those days.

I was putting away the clean dishes when the storm hit. Thankfully I had the wherewithal to step away from the breakables, as I neither wanted to grieve the loss of an entire matching dish set nor clean it up later. The meltdown was desperate and loud and snotty and exhausting. There may have been screaming involved. I may have punched the couch, but it was totally his fault for standing so close.  You know what they say- don’t poke an angry tiger with a stick or you’ll get punched… surely someone has said that.

But breaking down is normal.  It’s healthy. Think about a shower. You go in there to scrub up and hose down. And when you’re done, the whole place is one steamy slice of smell-good.  Mwah!  But while you’re cleaning off, soap scum and lime buildup and eventually mildew are slowly taking over.  You have to get in there every once in a while with a brush and some cleaning agents, otherwise you’re really up a creek. For those of you who have ever seen a college guy’s shower, you know.  Having a meltdown is like cleaning the shower.  Once it’s done you can resume usage as normal. If you don’t scrub it regularly, then you really have a problem on your hands.

Anyway, I’m in the calm after the storm right now. It’s night time, so it’s not sunny yet, but it will be tomorrow. I’m holding on.

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