It is my experience that most people who plan to have children think about things like names, which activities their kids will do, what method of discipline will be used… that sort of thing. I, of course, have dedicated an exuberant amount of hours to this very thought pool. Being a mom is the only thing I’ve ever been certain that I wanted to do when I grew up . Over the past 20 years, I’ve favored names like Jonah, Cannon, and Max for boys and Ava, Murphy, and Kate for girls. I would love for my kids to do gymnastics and swimming and theater.
I, like most parents out there, hope my children are healthy and intelligent and kind and that I raise them to have good heads on their shoulders. These thoughts are normal and healthy for people who hope to be parents one day. I fall snugly into this category.
As it turns out, I also fall into another category regarding children… the category of people for whom it is significantly more of a pain in the ass to conceive than the norm. I have recently been thrust into the pile of people whose bodies have presented some issue or another in the old baby making department. Biologically I have no idea if or how fertile I am. But what is certain is that in about a month, I will begin radiation and chemotherapy treatments that will most likely fry my ovaries and all my precious eggs.
A month ago, I was still thinking I would get pregnant the old fashioned way… he’d come home from deployment… we’d all but maul each other… my period would be late… I’d be excited… he’d shit himself… and 9 months later… Boom- Baby. However, in the past 4 weeks, I first had to wrap my head around the possibility of losing my uterus, and just last week, I met with an endocrinologist about doing one cycle of fertility treatments before the chemo/radiation begins. That’s exactly one chance to harvest as many eggs as possible and get those puppies in a deep freeze… stat. One chance. I lay in bed at night and listen to how fast my heart is beating. Can you even imagine?
Needless to say, I’m not worried about the cancer. I know that I’m working with the best team available to me. I have every faith in the world that I will get through this and come out the other side a survivor. Yes, it sucks that this is the hand I was dealt, but honestly, we all have some crappy cards in our hands. The thing that upsets me most is that the cancer is affecting my fertility. Although, people say that when you work for something, you appreciate it more. So maybe I was in danger of not appreciating my unborn babies. Well, if that’s the case… message received. Check. Rest assured that when I finally do have some biological babies in my arms, they will always know how loved they are.
The fertility treatments will begin in about two weeks and then about two weeks after that the eggs will be harvested. If the hubs is granted emergency leave, we will use his sperm to fertilize the eggs. If he’s not, we have discussed the other options available to us (using a known or unknown donor and/or freezing unfertilized eggs). There are pros and cons to all of these options. It’s really a very personal decision… and it’s a difficult one. After all of that, we will most likely need to use a gestational carrier (a woman that will carry the fetus). So, calling all lady readers who have had successful, healthy pregnancies!!! I suddenly got super interested in your uterus 🙂 Seriously, if you’re interested or become interested, let me know. It can be very tricky to find someone good to carry a baby.
Not too much will be going on in the next couple of weeks in the way of doctors’ appointments. But starting around January 6thish, things will be hoppin’. It sounds kind of funny, but please pray for my ovaries to produce a lot of mature eggs during this cycle of treatment. We want upwards of 20 😀
One Big Exhale 