Ugh… Where to begin?
Last Thursday, I got the news from my radiation oncologist that my scans weren’t clear. I spent the rest of that day laying in the grass making phone call after phone call to various people in the network I’d created for myself during the initial run. My first call was to the hubs, and the next call, obviously, was to the guy producing the documentary. A couple of hours later my parents each got a call… serious priorities.
Long-ish story short, I cancelled all of my weekend plans and headed to Chicago for one last summer weekend of reckless behavior with Emily. I threw on a sassy little green number, and off we went… to Wrigleyville. For those of you not familiar with Wrigleyville, it’s where all the frat boys and sorostitutes go directly after graduation, people are more ticked off that the cop tasing some drunk guy is blocking the sidewalk than the fact that the cop is tasing some drunk guy, and everyone there, without doubt, is dressed for the club, hanging at a bar that, in other parts of the country, would call for little more than a t-shirt and jeans. Yes, this is where I wanted to go for my night of debauchery.
I saw Dr. Mutch the following Tuesday and a new doctor at Northwestern, Dr. Schink, on Wednesday. Both agreed that the cancer is more aggressive than perhaps they first understood and that I should get in a clinical trial as soon as possible. I’m getting scans and blood work done next week, and, if all goes as planned, I’ll start the trial the following week. I will lose my hair by the end of July, but I would lose my hair a thousand times if it meant that I’d get to be cancer free.
As you can imagine, it’s been a shit storm of a week. I’ve been an emotional basket case with intermittent bouts of taking care of business. I’m doing my best to stay positive, but it’s difficult. I’ve been touching my hair constantly and looking in the mirror (more than usual) as if doing so will somehow summon a miracle. I am here today, and I’m enjoying every second of it. Cancer is not going to win this battle. Not if I have any say.