The Cool Has Been Lost

It needs to be said: I am over all of this cancer business.  I generally have a fairly positive outlook on the whole thing, but today I’m just fairly positive that it needs to go away quickly so I can get on with my healthy life.

Today I had a bit of a melt down, and while I was crying, I got even more frustrated with the situation because I can’t even cry without a reminder that I have cancer- the incision from when my port was placed (located just under my collar bone on the right side) is still healing, and all the heave-ho-ing of my chest was painful!  Insult to injury, I guess.

I also turned into a total lunatic during what started as a normal conversation about sex.   The nature of the conversation is not as important as where I very quickly led it.  Out of nowhere I jumped onto a soapbox about how sex is bad and dangerous and we should all be so much more careful about who we’re sleeping with and only doing it with people we truly love and so on and so forth. Yep. I did it. I took the conversation from the logistics of banging it out in a sedan to ‘our bodies are temples’ in one fell swoop.  And when it was suggested that I was overreacting, I took it to the next level with “Oh yea?! I have an STD in my body that is literally trying to kill me! You know how I got that STD?!?! FROM HAVING SEX!!!” You wanna talk about conversation killers… But at least I have new and interesting material to discuss with my therapist on Monday…