Well, it’s official… I’m going through premature menopause. Yep… that’s right. My body thinks it’s an old lady. I have news for you, body. You’re still only 31, and it’s time you start acting like it!
I met with my reproductive endocrinologist today to read the labs I had drawn last week. I’m a bit anemic, my thyroid looks good, and everything else was screaming “YOUR OVARIES DON’T WORK ANYMORE!!!” Yea, thanks. I had no idea… I thought the whole me randomly catching on fire from the inside thing was a sign of virility. No? Oh, those are hot flashes? Awesome.
So, for those of you who have never experienced a hot flash, let me break it down for you. Imagine yourself sitting in a movie theater. You have on a jacket because, as is typical with movie theaters, it’s chilly in there. Shortly after the previews start to roll, it feels like you’ve lit yourself on fire from the inside. You take off the jacket. A sweat ‘stache sprouts on your upper lip. Every square inch of your skin is suddenly clammy. It’s literally all you can do to not rip every stitch of clothing from your body and throw your naked burning self onto the cool concrete floor. But don’t let anyone see that you feel like you’re inside an incinerator. No, that would be embarrassing. And by the end of the first preview, you have your jacket back on because everything has returned to normal. That is what a hot flash is like. I’ve learned to dress in layers.
When I was in Germany recently, it was hard to sleep some nights because of the hot flashes. I’ve always put off a lot of heat when I sleep anyway, and my inferno husband just adds to the madness. So when I had a hot flash at night, it was absolutely brutal. I must have been a nightmare to sleep with.
But I’ve decided to make nice with the fire raging inside my body. That is to say that I’ve decided to squelch it. I’m going on hormones. It’s like birth control, but less hormones, and having absolutely nothing to do with preventing pregnancy. No, no. We’re not trying to prevent pregnancy at this point. Quite the opposite.
Long story somewhat shorter… I get to be on hormones for as long as I don’t want to go through menopause- probably the next 20 years or so. There are a lot of benefits and some health risks, but those seem minimal. And there are more health risks if I don’t go on hormones. In short, the hormones make the menopause go away, and that’s the desired outcome.